Assertiveness

Assertiveness What is assertiveness? What is the difference between being assertive and being aggressive? Will people think that I'm being pushy? These are common questions and concerns. Here are some pointers to help clarify what assertiveness is really all about. Assertiveness is... Assertiveness is expressing our thoughts, feelings, and beliefs in a direct, honest, and appropriate way. It means that we have respect both for ourselves and for others. We are consciously working toward a "win-win" solution to problems. A win-win solution means that we are trying to make sure that both parties end up with their needs met to the degree possible. An assertive person effectively influences, listens, and negotiates so that others choose to cooperate willingly. Assertiveness is not... Assertiveness is very different from aggressiveness. Aggressiveness involves expressing our thoughts, feelings, and beliefs in a way that is inappropriate and violates the rights of others. It can be either active or passive, but no matter which, it communicates an impression of disrespect. By being aggressive, we put our wants, needs, and rights above those of others. We attempt to get our way by not allowing others a choice. Where assertiveness tried to find a win-win solution, aggressiveness strives for a win-lose solution: I'll be the winner; you'll be the loser. Assertiveness is also different from non-assertiveness. Non assertive behavior is passive and indirect. It permits others to violate our rights and shows a lack of respect for our own needs. It communicates a message of inferiority. It creates a lose-win situation because the non assertive person has decided that his or her own needs are secondary and opts to be a victim.